The love triangle

The love triangle! No, it doesn’t exist only in movies. It plays out in real life too. With far more frequency than you would imagine possible. Just when you think the cute guy/gal in the office is the right one for you and you start dreaming of togetherness and undying love, you realize that you are not the only one who thinks s/he is cute. Your best friend thinks so too!

Dealing with such a situation can be very daunting. You do not know whether to listen to your heart or your brain. You can’t imagine hurting or betraying your best pal by taking away the person s/he likes, but, at the same time, you can’t get the person out of your mind. What is the way out? While every situation is different and every individual responds to such things differently, here are a few tips that might help you out:

  • Have a clear talk

Agreed, it is not easy to just go ahead and talk about such things with your friend, no matter how close you are. But you will not gain anything by keeping quiet and avoiding the discussion. Waiting for the problem to go away on its own may not work either. Muster the courage to have a frank talk with the other person. It is far easier to deal with complicated issues in the early stages than wait endlessly in the hope of the matter resolving itself on its own. If you wait too long, you might just get invited to the wedding of the wo/man of your dreams!

  • Be open-minded

It is difficult to be objective when you are dealing with matters of the heart, agreed, but do remember that the other person may be equally involved and equally attached to your dream gal/guy. When you do decide to talk it out with your friend, remember you are going for a discussion, not a point-proving exercise.

Here are some “don’t”s:

  • Don’t be defensive or aggressive.
  • Don’t start accusing or blaming your friend.
  • Don’t try to make your friend guilty for harbouring feelings of love for the person you love too.

And the “do”s:

  • Do state the problem matter-of-factly.
  • Do let your friend express her/his point of view.
  • Do check your temper.
  • Take the compatibility test

If you reach a dead-end in your discussions, a compatibility test might be a good way out. Which of you is more compatible with the guy/gal of your dreams? List the reasons why you like the guy/gal and compare it with the list of your friend. Check out which of you has more in common with him/her. Take into account your hobbies, likes and dislikes, beliefs, political ideology, and so forth. Remember, these things are very important for maintaining a long-term relationship. Think beyond just the initial attraction. If it transpires that your friend is more compatible with your dream guy/gal than you, then take the obvious decision.

  • Involve the dream guy/gal in the discussion

A very simple way of dealing with the issue is to let the guy/gal decide whom s/he wants to be with. Imagine how easy it can be if all three of you talk it out in a mature, sensible manner! It would lead to the best outcome.

  • Walk away

Sometimes, it is best to just walk away. A long-standing friendship might be more important than a new-found love. This is not the end of the road. You will meet more guys/gals. Take it easy and walk away.



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